Thursday, 4 June 2009

Interiors by Big Brother

Undoubtedly the most sought-after address this month is at a secret location in Hertfordshire. Sadly, for the tens of thousands of would-be inhabitants, the the deal has been sealed and tenants will be moving into the Big Brother House later on this evening.

Stepping into the hermetically-sealed hell of the Big Brother house from the balmy warmth of the outside world where headlines are muttering, rather bashfully, about green shoots, rising consumer confidence and stabilising, even, rising prices, the contestants are in for a shock.

The house has been designed to mirror the woes of a nation in recession mode, and, so as not to upset us all by wasting money on the comfort of the inhabitants, the producers decided to shrink it and take away the furniture. Well, not all of it. They do have three wooden crates and a bus stop in the garden.

The lack of furniture is obviously seen as a great, not to mention cost-effective, device to liven up the show. And no doubt they will be hoping for a Lord of the Flies moment where the emergent leader gangs up on the weaker members of the group and persuades everyone to use them as sofas.

But before we feel too sorry for the house's willing victims, just think about what they'll be leaving behind. As the majority will be in their twenties, or younger, and born after those halcyon days when young people with reasonable jobs could afford to buy a home, the house probably won't look that bad.

OK, there's no furniture, but, having endured a lot of rented-home furniture myself, and still having the back pain to prove it, this could be a welcome break.

And, as for the bus stop in the garden, at least they can congregate for a fag knowing that the police won't appear with a dispersal order and move them on. Well, probably not anyway. I'd better stop before I give them ideas....

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